Putting Away Christmas

Photo by Ira Ostafiichuk

In many households, as well as mine, somewhere near the first of the year the inevitable putting away of Christmas occurs.  The holidays are over and all the decorations must go back in their boxes. 

I carefully pack the heirloom glass balls, little winter scenes, stockings, garlands, plastic icicles, and wreaths.  Then I face off with the lights.  They either enter the bin of Tangle-by-Yourself or they get meticulously wrapped around cardboard tubes so as not to form spider webs of connection during the long hot summer in the garage. I turn off the CD player and reluctantly put all the Christmas music in their box.  By now the missing charm and glow of lights, decorations, and holiday tunes leave me feeling melancholy.  The house seems lonely, empty, and quiet. My soul feels the loss.

Putting Away Grief?

I wish it could be this uncomplicated to put away my grief, but I know it is not.  There is a new year that waits to turn its page on the calendar.  Do we drag what is old into the new?  Do we find ourselves struggling with what lies ahead? How do we step into this uncertainty of the unknown without the one we love? 

Start With Tears

I think the best place to start is with tears. Yes, I am giving us permission to cry, just in case you needed that. This salty, watery release of sorrow, fear, and stress is a great way to discover new perspectives and strengths.  No, not while we are crying, but usually after the liquid love and sorrow stop, there is additional space in our emotional reservoir to launch our small boat for a new destination. 

Photo by Atte Grönlund

Launching

I am not suggesting we think that launching forward is a way of forgetting our love and connection to the one who died.  No.  Instead, launching into a new year might be one of the best ways to honor our loved one who died.  Hearts can never un-know the love and relationship we’ve once shared.  That love remains with us as we set sail.  We needn’t fear forgetting.

Launching might also include our resolve to deal with the memories that need forgiving. It might also involve choosing to be more proactive and intentional with our grief such as starting up with a grief coach, reading more books, or taking an online grief support course. The purpose is not to put away the grief, but to work through it as if sailing through the storm rather than allowing the storm to capsize our life.

It begins with a choice.  Much like the choice to put away the Christmas decorations we can choose to embark into the coming year.  We can choose to be open to possibilities of emotional healing, new friendships, deeper relationships, and adjusting to the absence of our loved one.  We can begin the healthy journey into the unknown of the coming year as we stack the Christmas boxes back in the garage.

© Karen Nicola/Comfort for the Day 2020