An Ordinary Chore Shared Overtakes the Monster of Loneliness

The Comforter

Aug 10

Sharing simple chores can knock out the loneliness monster. Photo by Jack Stapleton

Loneliness is one of the silent monsters haunting your grieving friend. Did you know this sense of feeling alone can last for months, possibly years? 61% of Americans felt lonely in a 2019 survey. I can only imagine how that has risen since then. While I do not know how many of the 61% were grieving, I can imagine that being lonely already and then adding grief loneliness is a formula needing extreme care.

If you are a friend of someone who is walking through their grief right now, you might feel like the rest of us who are uncertain what to do or say. Their shadow of loss and the lack of color in their lives can feel depressing to them as well as to us. Stay with me and you might find a positive suggestion that fits your personality AND supports your grieving friend.

Grieving Friends often lack the motivation to do simple, ordinary, daily activities like running errands, doing laundry, preparing a meal, or attending to household repairs and yard work.
Grieving friends might have emotionally “heavy” errands or responsibilities such as probate issues or closing a bank account. They could use some moral support from a friend.

Remember Hanging Out with Your Friends?

I think we can all remember a childhood friend we loved to hang out with. Maybe we would go on bike rides, shop at the mall, or even help each other out at work. As I grew up and established my independence, I have recently discovered that I don’t “hang” with any friends. My husband and family are my “Go-To” people in my life. But what will happen when I am left grieving after the death of my husband or a family member?

Here is where friends can help the loneliness that is a result of grief. We can show up to share the day-to-day tasks of our grieving friends. We can keep someone from further isolation and loneliness. We can “hang” with a grieving friend and share part of their daily chores or “heavy” responsibilities. We can go along for the ride or better yet, do the driving so our grieving friend can feel our support and companionship.

It is Too Simple to Overlook

The amazing thing about choosing to hang with a grieving friend, and interact with their ordinary life demands, is that it is so mundane and simple we often overlook this incredible and comforting way of supporting them. It requires no expensive or special skills.

Go grocery shopping together
Swing by the library together
Offer to go out for a drive or take a walk together
Ask them to hang with you while you do a chore or fix a meal at your house.
Be available for errands
Stop by and volunteer to fold clothes, prepare a meal for the kids, walk the dog together, or clean the fridge.
Invite them to ride along with you as you run errands

Are we getting the point? Grieving people are lonely. They need friends who are comfortable just hanging together doing ordinary things. They crave companionship, understanding, and support.

The Perfect Story

“A few years ago, my heart was breaking, and I couldn't do the Daily To Do's. I couldn't even eat.
A dear friend knew this and showed up on my doorstep with 2 boxes of Thai takeout - one for me, and one for her, and we savored quietly.
I'm so grateful she didn't think she'd be intruding - or if she did, she came anyway.
I'm grateful she didn't assume I had other friends who probably were looking in on me.
I'm thinking I'll pick up Thai for two and drop in on her in a few days.
There are times we just need someone to come and sit beside us - not just drop off well intended offerings and tell us “shoulds or shouldn'ts;” but just show up with the nourishing presence of a friend.” Marilynn Vendon

Sounds like this would be the first remedy for loneliness. Give it a try, and support your lonely grieving friend today simply by doing something ordinary together.