Help! I’m Losing My Faith

Can winds of sorrow blow your faith away? Photo by Tien Vu Ngoc on Unsplash

Someone once asked, “What is the most useful way for me to reconnect with God when I am grieving or feeling emotionally overwhelmed?

This is a really good question.  There are seasons in our lives and throughout our grief journey when our trust in God wavers or is even crushed.  People offer Scriptures of comfort or pray with us, and it doesn’t land anywhere in our soul.  God feels distant, quiet, perhaps even uncaring. We begin to create a dark picture of God, and it feels like we are butting our heads against a wall.  I know this is not the case for all believers, but it is for some of us. We call this Spiritual Grief.

We might disengage from fellowship with other believers.    It is natural to step back when our loss experience collides with what we believed about how God operates in this world.  Our expectations and presumptions about God are challenged when prayers seem unheard or unanswered, and promises in Scripture aren’t kept. So just how do we reconnect with God when grief seems to have come between us?

It took my husband and me many years to work this through.  Possibly I can share a few questions that might open your heart to taking baby steps of trusting God with your loss, sorrow, grief, and healing.

1.       What was your relationship with God like before your tragedy? Be brutally honest.

2.       How has it changed since your loss?

3.       Does your suffering mean God abandoned you?

4.       What don’t you understand about God?  (Obvious answer: “nearly everything!”)

5.       What is one positive thing you know about God?  He is good.  He loves me.  He has a plan to end all suffering.  Jesus’ resurrection is my anchor for the resurrection of my loved one, etc.

6.       What do you understand about the existence of pain and suffering in this world?

7.       What do you understand about the temporary existence of life on this planet?

8.       Why do you expect that your interpretations of Scripture are accurate, i.e., Bible promises & how God should answer prayer?

9.       How intent is Satan to interfere with your trust in God?

10.   Would this season of Spiritual Grief be a good opportunity to explore God’s heart?  On what grounds does He want to establish your trust?

You might not like some of these questions.  That’s okay.  You might rather that I gave you the answers, but then they would be my answers and not yours.  When we take baby steps to discover how God is interacting on a planet held hostage, our connection with Him grows.  It doesn’t happen instantly, at least not for me.  Now, 41 years past our son’s death, I am still pressing in to discover more truths about God’s character and His desire for relationship with me.  I think this will be part of our eternal existence.  We will ever be learning to love Him more because He will always outlove us!

A hospital chaplain once encouraged us to avoid the “Why?” questions. That seemed impossible. I felt I needed to know “Why.” Yet, would knowing “Why?” bring my son back? Would I find greater meaning in life if I knew “Why”? The chaplain suggested that instead of “Why?” we could ask other questions like how, when, what, or where. Here are some examples:

• How can I stay focused to attend to my grief? How can I be open to exploring God in my grief story

• What are the best steps I can take to grieve well? What is a good step for me to take right now?

• Who are the people I can depend on right now? Who can help me with my Spiritual Grief?

• What sources of Spiritual Grief support can help me the most?

• What are the best ways to express my grief? What are effective ways for me to grieve spiritually?

• How will I give myself permission to grieve? Am I willing to permit a season of wrestling with God?

• Where do I feel the most peace?

  The chaplain pointed out that asking “Why?” was a circular question that left us with very little control or power.

  But asking the other questions would help us find balance, regain control, and find healing and peace.

p.s. In our book, Comfort for the Day, we offer Scripture as a guide for grievers. Throughout the pages, you will encounter opportunities to address some of the questions you have read above. It is our prayer that Comfort for the Day will bring you close to the heart of God.  There you will find healing, for GOD takes the initiative to heal broken hearts.  It is also there that you can wrestle with God and ask Him all your hard questions.  It is my prayer that you will be open to trusting God, one baby step at a time.