Father's Day Benchmark
Man to Man
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Ted,I've been reading this book that made me think of conversations we've shared. I imagine that possibly this time of the year is conflicted for you as it is the weeks and days leading up to losing your son. I looked at my message to you last June and something jumped out and I didn't realize that I had even said it until today.
"Time so often is not the great healer, but the great disguiser."
After all these years I wonder if that isn't truer than not for both of us. We men especially are geniuses at filling our hurts and raw pain in so many ways: work, play, big boy toys, alcohol, drugs, and sedation in many other forms. The sad reality is that after we get back from the trip, home from work or whatever, in our quiet moments we have to come to terms that all is not as well as we would like. May be we don't understand two basic realities. #1. The incredible loss of a child, particularly a man child is life changing. # 2. I think we don't even come close to realizing the healing that only God can offer. We both have a hole in our hearts from the loss of our sons and try as we might; God is the only one who can fill that hole. Just some random thoughts this morning. . . . Stan
Stan,
It was 18 years this Father's Day. So bittersweet. I really do think I
did a poor job of grieving then because I poured everything into my
two other children. I think it's time for a couple of counseling visits.
That empty feeling gets overwhelming at this time of year. Ted
Ted,"Funny" how some days it seems like our boys were just here with us, and at other times, we rummage around in our memory to bring up a vivid picture from the past that seems as far away as another lifetime. The main thing is to keep remembering that they were our sons and that they played a very big part in who we are today. Our memories, our grief, our new life without them have shaped, to a greater extent, who we are as dads today. Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers today. It is comforting to know another dad can relate to my emptiness that really never quite goes away. Please know that I feel your pain and loss after all these years too. . . Stan
Well, I made it through another anniversary and I'm still alive.
Again, I always think of you and your kindness and strength in God.
Thank you. Ted
