What to Say to a Grieving Friend
The Comforter Karen Nicola The Comforter Karen Nicola

What to Say to a Grieving Friend

It is your job to step through your fear factors like a superhero, not to rescue them, but to be silent with them in their agony. That takes some super-human strength! There are no words that will take their grief away.  Your job is to support them in their grief, NOT to take it away or distract them.  Follow their lead. It is all about them.

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Does the Flag Fly at Half Mast in Your Heart?
The Comforter, The Hurting Karen Nicola The Comforter, The Hurting Karen Nicola

Does the Flag Fly at Half Mast in Your Heart?

Are you sad, deep down for the country you have known as “home? . . . How do we engage in the ambiguous grief of our changing nation? . . . It is possible to grieve AND find beauty, joy, and peace. . . I also am discovering a new awareness to celebrate my eternal and true citizenship! . . . Think about support and encouragement existing apart from any negative or hurtful presence!!! That is comforting news for me on this 4th of July. 

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Bridge Building
The Comforter Karen Nicola The Comforter Karen Nicola

Bridge Building

Do you ever feel awkward and hesitant to purposefully reach out to someone who is grieving?  What if it doesn’t go well?  What if I get it all wrong?  What if I hurt their feelings? Would this be the right time for them?

MEMO to self: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME, ITS ABOUT THEM

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What the Grieving Need from You This Holiday
The Comforter Karen Nicola The Comforter Karen Nicola

What the Grieving Need from You This Holiday

Christmas had passed when Margaret realized she had forgotten to reach out to a friend whose grandson had died in August.  Margaret’s heart sank.  “I’m such a terrible friend,” she thought to herself.   “Why didn’t I remember?  Why didn’t I take a moment to think of others who lived through the Holidays with pain and grief?”

Because I do not want this to be your experience, I wrote this blog so you could be proactive this season to know how to support a grieving person.

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When Suicide Strikes
The Comforter, The Hurting Karen Nicola The Comforter, The Hurting Karen Nicola

When Suicide Strikes

As a grief coach, I receive phone calls from people with heartsick voices explaining the trauma of living after loved ones take their own lives. Families struggle with the assurance of seeing their loved ones again. I could never begin to come close to their broken hearts if I carried judgment about suicide. Condemnation never brings anyone comfort, hope, or healing.

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The Two “A’s” of Comforting a Grieving Friend
The Comforter Karen Nicola The Comforter Karen Nicola

The Two “A’s” of Comforting a Grieving Friend

I know you don’t mean to avoid the hurting coworker.  You didn’t intend to exclude the grieving mother from the group.  The bereaved widower is not left out intentionally. It just happens.  At the same time, you want to know that when you do step closer to someone in pain, you will say and do the right thing.  The skills most needed for compassionate comfort are to be Authentic and to remember to Ask questions for clarification and permission.

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Comfort the Grieving in Your Own Skin!
The Comforter Karen Nicola The Comforter Karen Nicola

Comfort the Grieving in Your Own Skin!

Keep in mind that it takes a zoo to comfort a grieving friend.  All types of comforting friends, each doing your part to come along and support those who mourn are what makes a positive difference in the lives of the bereaved.  The risk is to think others are doing something and they might not be doing anything.

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An Ordinary Chore Shared Overtakes the Monster of Loneliness
The Comforter Karen Nicola The Comforter Karen Nicola

An Ordinary Chore Shared Overtakes the Monster of Loneliness

Here is where friends can help the loneliness that is a result of grief.  We can show up to share the day-to-day tasks of our grieving friends.  We can keep someone from further isolation and loneliness.  We can “hang” with a grieving friend and share part of their daily chores or “heavy” responsibilities.  We can go along for the ride or better yet, do the driving so our grieving friend can feel our support and companionship. 

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Independence Day Grief
The Hurting, The Comforter Karen Nicola The Hurting, The Comforter Karen Nicola

Independence Day Grief

Independence is now a new way of living day to day, yet your heart will ever be touched with explosive memories that will dazzle and sparkle in the night sky of your soul. Just as a new country was made, a new individual is being formed.  That is you.  Will you be courageous to grieve well, make choices that lead you towards adjustment and healing, and reach out to others to be with you as you learn a new way of life? 

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A New Look at Compassion
The Comforter Karen Nicola The Comforter Karen Nicola

A New Look at Compassion

With enormous numbers of people dying daily, I am tempted to feel numb and hear only a number. I must stop! I must listen with the capacity to translate a number into people with names! I must go further and grasp in my bowels that each person has a family and friends who are now suffering. I must let compassion move me towards action.

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