“A +” for My Student’s Grief
Reflecting on relationships to apply a better life lesson is A+ grief work.
I recently asked a previous student if I had permission to share her Facebook post where she reflected on her mother's life 4 years past her death. You are reading this because she said “YES.”
Janell was an 8th-grade student of mine 13 years ago. Now a talented young woman, Janell has put an A+ on her grief report card. She is honest, and kind, admitting her needs, but most of all she has demonstrated what she will keep and what she can discard. You are going to be inspired!
“I’m reflecting on how my mom led her life and why it caused her to fail in life. Let me explain.
My mother, like most, was selfless in a lot of ways. She gave of herself so freely and to anyone who asked of her. She lent money, and housed friends and family when in need. She would cover everyone’s shift at work, pick up everyone’s slack, even bake cookies as a surprise and then apologize because they didn’t look like the last batch because she ran out of sprinkles.
If you read between the lines, you’ll see that these things, while saintly in nature, truly are what was her biggest downfall in her life.
My mom gave so much of herself to everyone else around her that she didn’t have time enough for herself, or me and Anthony. She worked so many shifts that we rarely had family time. She worked early mornings and then when she got off, her obsessive priority was cleaning the house day after day. She was obviously too tired to do anything with us by the time she was done.
When she hurt herself, or got sick, or had a mysterious lump on her breast, she never went to the doctor. She worked through those things while scheduling our dentist and doctors’ appointments. She preached how important it was to take care of ourselves, but never did so herself.
In the end, doing everything for everyone else in her life weakened her body so much that cancer was already over taking her by the time it was found. She was too frail, weak, and unhealthy to fight it when her treatments started.
Today, after having worked very hard this weekend at a huge festival in 100-degree heat, I’m reminded of the sacrifices my mom gave that ruined her. I’m reminding myself to take time to relax, do self-care, check on my body and my heart before checking on our budget. To feed myself before feeding the dishwasher. To remind my husband to go fishing for HIS self-care before fishing stuff out of the car.
I want to be around far longer for my friends and family than my mom was. That means taking care of myself and choosing physical and mental health ahead of numbers and work hours. I want to do better for myself than she did, while continuing to do things for others like she did. It’s a balance I always want to strive for.” Janell
I sincerely hope that Janell’s reflections on her mother’s limitations for relationship have inspired you to be as honest and kind in your reflections. Sometimes we need a little assistance with this. Our book, Comfort for the Day, Living through the Seasons of Grief is a very helpful tool that helps readers find their voice in their story with the person that was important to them. It is an interactive and supportive place to reflect and put your thoughts and feelings on paper. Thus, releasing anxiety, regrets, and pain. Take a moment to pick up a copy for yourself or a friend.
Comfort for the Day is not our story, but yours!
Along with Janell, you can take a minute to reflect, admit what didn’t work well for you, and apply what you have learned in the relationship with your special person.
