Fathers who Mourn and Children who Grieve

Are you a child who grieves or a father who mourns?

There are many different directions that we can think of taking as we share this Father's Day Blog.

We could tell stories of our beloved deceased fathers. We could tell stories about the pain of our losses from abusive, neglectful, or absentee fathers in our own lives. Or we can listen to the stories of fathers who have lived through the pain of losing a child and how that affects them every day of their lives for the rest of their lives.

Fathers who Mourn

Fathers who mourn the death of their children on this day carry a pain that is often unknown to the other men in their circle of friends. Often their broken heart goes unnoticed, for few grieving fathers acknowledge their special kind of grief on this day. A child does not need to be dead on Father’s Day to leave deep pain. An estranged or “ghosted” living relationship creates a well of deep sadness while others are splashing in the love of celebrated positive relationships. For you, mourning father, we acknowledge that your father-heart needs to recognize your father-child relationship that is absent and feel that loss. It takes courage to feel the loss and pain. And that is the space that healing begins. As one who knows, please take with you the assurance that every mistake you made as a father is forgivable, and in fact, you have already been pronounced FORGIVEN! There is a Heavenly Father who understands our guilt and He made all the provisions necessary for you to experience complete forgiveness. Would you trust Him with that Heavenly reality today?

Children who Grieve

I, Karen, recently met a new friend who grieves the death of both of his parents. His father died when Trent was 6 and his mother died when he was 15. Trent has survived his parent’s deaths but not without cost to himself. Until he was in his early 30’s he believed he could never have the ability to love anyone again ~ to risk the vulnerability of love with the horrific pain that death could bring. He poured himself into his education and career. By Trent’s own admission, he became a workaholic: his twin brother, an alcoholic. Trent began to heal when he volunteered at a children’s grief center. As he learned new skills for helpful and healing grief, he opened his heart to loving again. Today, he is the husband of a devoted and loving wife. Working more than he should is still a bit of a struggle for him, but he understands now how to be intentional with loss and grief. He knows his heart can recover and heal. What a great story for the rest of us.

No matter our age, we were all once a child who sooner or later will need to grieve the death of a father

The Father who Comforts

While many are enjoying a "happy" Father's Day today, many others are not. Our hearts go out to each of you. We want to support you with this truth: there is a Heavenly Father who will never abuse, never abandon, and will always be here for you. He knows and understands your unique personality and thinks you are the best "kid" He has. He is crazy about you and His love is comforting and healing. Maybe, just maybe, you could look into the face of God and see His father's eyes of interest, compassion, warmth, courage, and welcome. He is never too busy for you and offers His limitless resources to guide you through your life. When you need more than any earthly father is capable of giving, your Heavenly Father is here and He loves you more.