How Ugly Crying Helps
It’s not what ugly crying looks like, it’s how it feels.
No Need to Feel Shame about Breaking Down Ever Again
What if “breaking down” could render a healing and more hopeful response for us? What if using different words with a shift of perspective could help us feel better about grieving and “ugly crying?”
I don’t know you exactly, but I do know enough grieving people that when they say they had a “breakdown” it means they had some “ugly” tears. Today ugly tears are talked about in contrast to a gentle rolling of tears down your cheek. The term “ugly” tears could include anger, wailing, fear, and loss of control. No matter what the “term,” the feeling we have when we cry from the gut is what “ugly” crying is all about.
What’s so bad about crying deep and hard? What is so wrong with an intense sob or wail? Why do we need to keep our emotions together, lined up like neat little soldiers? Are we trying to impress others, or escape embarrassment, by keeping a stiff upper lip? Grief isn’t about control, it’s about learning to live when all is out of control.
Crying is Good and Healing
I am going to take the liberty to toss out a few different phrases that might help us be more hopeful that deep, hard crying is a good part of healthy and healing grief. Instead of carrying a personal stigma about “breaking down” we could courageously move toward another way of accepting grief tears.
When tempted to put a negative spin on the thought or action of “breaking down” try these on for size:
My grief tears are “liquid love.”
My crushed heart needed some release.
When I cry hard, I do my emotions a whole bunch of good.
What is let out through tears will keep me from getting stuck.
I had a major stress reducer, otherwise known as a good hard cry, mixed with a whole bunch of emotion.
Tears communicate what words cannot express.
Positive Reasons to “Ugly” Cry
First: It’s necessary! An emotional response MUST find release through a physical expression!!!
Second: It’s necessary! The body is designed to release tension through our tear ducts. Letting it flow is healthy because grief tears are a way of ridding the body of toxins. Your tears do have an end even when you are afraid that they won’t stop.
Third: It’s necessary! Grief is hard work. We have little to no control over our emotional surges. The sooner we accept the existence of intermittent emotional overload, the sooner we will permit ourselves to interact with the task at hand. Grieving is the only cure for grief!
“Sorrow that has no vent in tears may make other organs weep.”
If the term “breaking down” is still your favorite, I hope you can add this image to the scene. When a car breaks down, it is fixable. It just needs the right tools and replacement parts. There is no shame or embarrassment. It needs someone with skills and some financial investment. You, my grieving friend, are worth the time and investment to get the help and support you need in your grief “breakdowns.”
A spiritual option looks like this ~ trusting God with all the pain, loss of control, fear, emotional upheaval, and “breakdowns” will give you comfort and assurance that Divine Love is stronger than all your pain. God appreciates your honest realization of your loss and is the most skilled to offer what you need most to bring you into a beautiful life again.
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© Karen Nicola
