The Intangible loss of Identity
Finding ourselves is part of healthy healing grief.
What we once were and who we are becoming through our grief can become a good change. It’s up to us.
“When we experience a loss we are often focused on the tangible “things” we lose – the person, the house, the job, the relationship, etc. That’s, of course, a huge part of grief. But there is this other part of grief that we are often less aware of it. It is the secondary losses that happen like dominoes falling, creating far more to cope with than just the primary loss.”
“There is a lot to say and to think about when it comes to loss of identity in grief. It shapes so much of how we exist in the world and research has shown that the lack of “self-clarity” that comes in grief as a result of loss of identity is correlated with higher rates of depression and post-traumatic stress.”
While there are fewer easy answers to apply over the pain and confusion of feeling lost in our own identity, just being able to talk about it somehow brings relief. You might be wondering how to remake yourself, or re-find yourself, or even consider being newly different than before the loss in your life.
“Take some time to reflect on your identity. Whether it is talking with a friend, a counselor, writing, art, or some other form of expression, consider how your identity has shifted. Make an effort to focus not only on the losses, but also on what you have gained. This may be the new relationships that have formed, positive changes in perspective, new skills or growth that have come from changes in professional or physical identity, etc.”
“Though it is easy to focus on the loss of self, rebuilding self-identity can slowly come through an awareness of changes in yourself” and in your circumstances. You might find that the freedom to choose what to keep and what to let go of feels scary. Or you might be eager to embrace a new path in life, allowing yourself the freedom to explore the possibilities of a more compassionate, caring human being because of your journey through loss.
Even though it was difficult, establishing my new identity after living through loss has become the best part of my life so far. I believe it is worth the effort to discover for ourselves. With trust in God’s ability to make “all things new” we can do the grief work of identity building with hope and courage. Grieve well, my friend.
Quotes from https://whatsyourgrief.com/dont-know-anymore-grief-loss-identity/
© Karen Nicola/Comfort for the Day 2020
Photo by Kenzie Kraft on Unsplash
