Isn’t Thanksgiving Grief an Oxymoron?
Entertaining gratitude actually works with grief.
Anticipating Thanksgiving with a broken, grieving heart may seem like an oxymoron. How can gratitude and my pain co-mingle? How does anyone get through this holiday with any type of solace or relief? Does the anxiety of facing this season of thanks-giving in the middle of a pandemic overwhelm you? The additional loss of traditional family feasts and gatherings adds pain upon pain for me this year? Maybe you have passed through a couple of grieving Thanksgivings already and you know you will survive this one, but you have little or no joy in anticipating it without the one or ones you love. Would it be okay with you if we explored a few ideas that could comfort us and help us find resilience this Thanksgiving season?
Let Each Blessing Count
Gratitude and grief can co-mingle. In fact, research is validating that the exercise of purposely naming things, people, situations, nature, etc., that you are grateful for has the ability to reduce emotional stress. My guess is that it opens pathways in our hearts for healing that would otherwise be crowded out by our worry, fear, pain and sorrow. So let’s make a list of the simple things we are grateful for.
““I know there is poor and hideous suffering, . . I have lived pain, and my life can tell: I only deepen the wound of the world when I neglect to give thanks for . . . the rivers that run and the stars that rise and the rain that falls and all the good things that a good God gives.” ”
Living “NOW”
Go with the flow. Let’s take another approach than working ourselves up with anxiety about what this holiday will be like without our loved one and COVID restrictions. I acknowledge that our minds imagine the worst, and we attempt to brace ourselves for waves of emotions. Possibly we can allow ourselves to be open to what may or may not happen. In other words, live in the moment. Live now, suspending your anxiety about the future, and when Thanksgiving day comes, live in that “NOW.” Yes, it will be difficult, but we might find moments of joy, reflection, gratitude and rest if we can suspend our anxious thoughts. We can connect with friends or family who love and care about us. Even the pain or tears will be an honor to our deceased loved one or the unwelcomed pandemic changes.
Take Back the Reins
Make a plan. Making plans for a specific way you wish to remember your loved one gives you control over the loss. We can regain focus and find relief for the anxiety of the unknown when we make a plan. If it works for you, invite others into your planning to broaden the scope of connection with those who care about you. Here are just a couple of ideas:
Select a place in the home as a memorial spot of your loved one. Include some favorite pictures and candles for lighting
You might want to have some blank note cards to write memories they are thankful about for your loved one. Place them in a basket or on a plate at the table if you choose to set a place for your loved one. Read them during dessert
Sponsor a charity in the honor of your loved one.
Your loved one lived and there are many memories that bring gratitude to your heart. Allow this season to bring those to the surface for review.
Permit Reciprocal Love to be your Experience
It is my deep desire that this Thanksgiving will be a day to renew your love for others, take in the love others have to give you, and remember your loved one with gratitude. Accept the warmth and love from others during this season as a relief form your deep and active grief. In spite of the challenges of COVID this day is a day to trust the healing work in your heart. Your life is moving forward. Giving thanks through our pain is an action of trust that God will do just as He said, “heal the broken hearted.” Ps. 147:3. May the God of all comfort, comfort you in every way through His endless and ever present love, peace, and hope.
https://positivepsychology.com/gratitude-research/
© Karen Nicola November 2020
