Resilient Grieving in a COVID World

Kids Get It

I gave a short lesson on healthy grief to a group of 1st to 4th graders last Fall.  When I asked them what they do to express healthy grief, a good sized 4th grade boy raised his hand immediately and declared, “I hold my stuffed animals!”  No shame.  He gave the right answer.  I think we can learn from this child, don’t you?

As a grief educator, I consider the current physical distancing guidelines and lack of human touch are the most disturbing aspects for grievers in 2020.  My heart yearns to wave a magic wand, releasing all restrictions of human contact.  I long for us to be able to freely and safely hug, embrace, weep, laugh, and hold one another.

Grief Resilience

So, I’ve come up with a few solutions.  These free and easy practices are not technical or complicated, and none of them will be harmful.  Maybe you will be encouraged to practice some self-comfort during the difficult and lonely days of isolated grief. Especially for men:  You are in no less need of touch and comfort than your female grieving counterparts.  I trust you will be open minded to at least try some of these options to meet your isolated grief needs.

Self Hugs

What about the idea of giving yourself a hug?  I have found that hugging myself brings a significant sense of comfort.  It isn’t difficult.  Just wrap your arms around your upper arms or around your waist.  Hold. Breathe. Close your eyes.  Let the pressure of your own hug be felt in your body.  I’m not the only one who is suggesting self hugging.  I found several sources that confirm this comforting and beneficial practice for the workplace as well as for a general improved sense of well being.

Pillow Hugs

Another comfort exercise might include a pillow or large stuffed animal.  Cuddling up with a soft object is not to be outgrown when we leave childhood ~ especially now more than ever.  Whether it is a body pillow, couch pillow or you have a “Stuffy,” as my grandchildren call them, give yourself permission to use this form of comfort during COVID grieving.

Visual & Auditory Hugs

Since we might be visiting ideas a little out of our comfort zone, let me toss in one more.  As grievers, our capacity to focus or even identify what our needs are can be foggy.  So I will let you know, you need human contact.  If you can’t get it fully met by physical touch, we have other senses that can absorb love and support from others.  So I will give you a short step-by-step plan to help you get what you need.

1.     Make a short list of 4 to 5 people you know well.  These can be good friends or family. If your list is longer, that is just fine.

2.     Check to make sure you have their phone numbers convenient to access

3.     Make a list if that helps

4.     Then call one of them and see what happens

5.     If you have the technology, video call, Facetime, or schedule a zoom meeting to you can see each other’s faces. 

6.     Schedule these calls on your calendar so your friends will know when it’s time for some face to face comfort.

In our grief, we still have the ability to let those close to us know what we need. Attending to our auditory and visual needs for love and support will be welcomed ways to “feel” comforted.  COVID grief creates either victims or resilient people who are willing to find other ways to meet their needs during a time of extraordinary challenges. I hope you are choosing resilience.

To help you process your grief in healthy ways, please visit our online grief support courses.  I will come into your home and we will visit a bit via friendly video chats and useful printable downloads.  It is like having a personal grief coach come to your home at your convenience.  Looking forward to having you as a participant.

© Karen Nicola/Comfort for the Day 2020

Photo by Preillumination SeTh   Rabit

Photo by Alex Blăjan     Bear