Grieving and Giving Thanks
Learning to grieve through Thanksgiving
Is grieving and giving thanks compatible?
To my friends who mourn during this season of giving thanks, I wonder if you are confused or wondering how to be with others right now. Do you find yourself trying to fit in by attempting to hide your grief? Possibly you are pushing others away and isolating yourself. Grieving during the holidays is just plain exhausting. Would it help if a grief coach could make a suggestion?
Here is what I want to offer: I give you permission, space, and freedom to grieve. I offer you support in your bereavement. The searing paradox of what you are experiencing and what others are celebrating may feel like a hot iron pressing down on the already shredded parts of your heart. Oh how I wish I could take this all away from you, but it is beyond my ability to do so. What I can do, is let you know I care. It is true that I don’t fully understand your pain today. Maybe even you don’t. Here is what I’ve found that works:
What can you do with the ache?
May I suggest spilling your pain out on paper? Let the feelings flow, let them go. No fancy handwriting here. No punctuation is needed. Just put all your thoughts and feelings on paper. Once you know you have found words for grief and let them flow out your arm and through your pen onto paper, you might be surprised that you feel better.
Suggested Jump Lines:
1. What/Who I miss most this year . . .
2. I want to feel more comfortable around . . .
3. I am most supported by . . .
AFTER putting your pain on paper, you might be surprised that you have space to actually think of something for which you are grateful. Could you choose to write down a few things for which you are honestly thankful?
CAUTION: Writing a “thanks-giving” list before attending to your pain, might result in building a façade ~ a pretense or false appearance of gratitude.
This is yet another season in your grieving. How do you want to live through it? Living genuinely with grief means being honest with the pain. Deal with the hurts first so there will be space for gratitude.
One Griever’s Gratitude
This season I am thankful for
The hands that hold mine,
Hearts that hurt with me
Ears that always listen
Arms always ready to hug
Friends who always support
Family who always remember.
By Tanya Lord
My Thanksgiving prayer for you is that you will feel emotionally safe where ever you spend this holiday. I pray that your heart will be receptive to comfort, tenderness, and healing. But please absorb this idea; there is a Divine Comforter who does understand AND knows how to soothe the deep ache. Welcome the blessing of this spiritual reality. I trust the work of the Divine Comforter to provide the solace, peace and hope you need most. My prayer for you is that you will be genuine this Thanksgiving and open to finding blessings to be thankful for.
Discover how God’s Word will become a guiding friend as He heals your broken heart through the confusing and painful season of grief.
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© Karen Nicola 2017
