Grief is only Beginning when the Service Ends

The Comforter

May 10

So it may have been several weeks or months since you stood by the side of your friend at the funeral or services of someone they loved dearly. While life has gone on somewhat normally for you, it hasn’t been the same for your friend. On the outside, he or she might appear to be “handling it” well. But I need you to know that inside, they think of their loved one multiple times in EVERY 24 hour period ~ sometimes constantly. And with those thoughts come emotions that run the range from tears to anger, sadness to a happy memory, regret and guilt to despair. So if you want to be a friend who cares for their grieving heart, remember that it is still grieving.

Comfort for a Grieving Friend's Heart

Here are a few ideas that could help you approach the subject of your friend's grief. This is not a sequence list, just random suggestions for coming closer to your friend rather than isolating them in their pain and sorrow.

Be authentic and let them know that you don’t know what they are going through
Be free to let them know you wonder how their grief is going
Ask if they feel like talking about their experiences
Assure them that you have no judgment
Ask them to share a memory
Ask to share one of your memories of the person who died
Make a point of sending cards, texts, or flowers on significant days such as birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays
Show them that you are safe for them to be themselves by listening more than speaking and sharing their tears rather than handing them a tissue
Most of all make sure your time together is NOT about you, but all about them
Ask if they would like some grief resources that could help them understand their own grief and guide them through this difficult time
Keep www.comfortfortheday.com as one of those resources to share with them

“The only cure for grief is to grieve.”
Earl Grollman

Because the above quote expresses the truth, it is critical for us to support our grieving friends even though it is painful for them and possibly for us. When we come alongside them it will never be to provoke or prevent their suffering but to support them through it. May the Spirit of Comfort guide you as you stay close to your grieving friend.