Grief Exhaustion

If you are grieving, you might also be feeling exhausted. I felt afraid of many of the new emotional and physical side effects I experienced after our son died. This is one of the reasons, I show up here. I want to help raise awareness and simultaneously lower fear or anxiety about grief.

A Punch in the Gut

One reason why grief makes us tired is that it’s just plain overwhelming. Dealing with emotional, complex, and stressful experiences are likely to leave us emotionally exhausted. Keep in mind that emotional stress also impacts the physical body (that punch in the gut).  No wonder we can’t fulfill all the responsibilities we used to do. Grief zaps our energy emotionally and physically. Period. Full stop.

A Swing at my Head & Heart

On one end of the spectrum, the absence of thoughts and emotions, such as; feeling numb or experiencing mental grief fog, can surprisingly generate exhaustion. Simultaneously, racing, cyclical, or intrusive thoughts and emotions can leave us longing for a break from the pain, sorrow, and confusion within (a swing at the head/heart).

Trouble Sleeping?

Not only can these thoughts wear us out during the day, but they are also present when we wake in the middle of the night. It seems like all the world is slumbering while we lay awake, staring into the darkness, trying not to follow our most anxious and upsetting thoughts down the rabbit hole. It can be a very lonely feeling.

The Cycle of Grief Exhaustion

We might find ourselves struggling to quiet our minds throughout the day.  Many of us use another strategy.  Have you ever tried to stay so busy during the day attempting to distract yourself from your sorrow?  But that is crazy because when bedtime occurs it is often the first time there’s enough silence for our grief to speak. Has the grief-exhaustion cycle been working as just described in your grief?

Maybe our loss has created new stress or responsibilities for us to manage. Or perhaps we are struggling with thoughts about our own existential existence.  Where can we land safely with this cycle?  How can we intercept it, derail it, and find a path with better balance for our grief life?

You Might want to Try . . .

Here are a few practices that worked for me:

1.       I gave permission for sorrow to show up at anytime 

2.       I kept a notebook handy throughout the day to put those thoughts and feelings on paper

3.       Walking or any other form of exercise helped me release the built-up stress-induced chemicals in my body

4.       I reminded myself that grief exhaustion is a “season of grief.” It will not last forever

5.       I made choices to practice self-care.  These can be simple things that you find bring you some relief from our sorrow ~ cooking, exercising, sports, art, hobbies, gardening, yardwork, reading something pleasant, etc.  (Caution, these can distract us from the important work of acknowledging our grief so make sure you keep engaging with your grief)

6.       Take the time to put your grief cycle of thoughts and feelings that keep you awake at night on paper.  Often, I found that by getting it out of my mind and on paper, I could fall back to sleep and wake feeling rested.  I didn’t carry those thoughts in my dreams or mind in the night.

7.       When possible, I took time off.  I understand that some occupations are not as grief-friendly as others.  However, when we can step out of our ordinary work for even just a day or long weekend for the purpose of self-care and permitting our array of grief experiences, we are doing the most important thing we can do – cooperating with our heart healing process.  You are worth it!

8. It is not a weakness to ask for help. Grief changes everything in our lives. It is okay to ask for help when we are too overwhelmed or exhausted to carry on as once did.

Which activities or choices have you found that helps to break your grief exhaustion cycle? 

© Karen Nicola October 2021

Photo by Bruno Aguirre