What the Grieving Need from You This Holiday
Christmas had passed when Margaret realized she had forgotten to reach out to a friend whose grandson had died in August. Margaret’s heart sank. “I’m such a terrible friend,” she thought to herself. “Why didn’t I remember? Why didn’t I take a moment to think of others who lived through the Holidays with pain and grief?”
Because I do not want this to be your experience, I wrote this blog so you could be proactive this season to know how to support a grieving person.
When Suicide Strikes
As a grief coach, I receive phone calls from people with heartsick voices explaining the trauma of living after loved ones take their own lives. Families struggle with the assurance of seeing their loved ones again. I could never begin to come close to their broken hearts if I carried judgment about suicide. Condemnation never brings anyone comfort, hope, or healing.
A Day with a Grieving Friend
Planning a day with a grieving friend can be the kindest thing you can do. Need a few ideas? This blog shares them.
Comfort for Today
Wherever you are or whatever you are experiencing in your grief right now, there is a never-ending source of comfort available to you.
The Two “A’s” of Comforting a Grieving Friend
I know you don’t mean to avoid the hurting coworker. You didn’t intend to exclude the grieving mother from the group. The bereaved widower is not left out intentionally. It just happens. At the same time, you want to know that when you do step closer to someone in pain, you will say and do the right thing. The skills most needed for compassionate comfort are to be Authentic and to remember to Ask questions for clarification and permission.
“A +” for My Student’s Grief
I want to be around far longer for my friends and family than my mom was. That means taking care of myself and choosing physical and mental health ahead of numbers and work hours. I want to do better for myself than she did while continuing to do things for others like she did. It’s a balance I always want to strive for.” Janell
Grief is a Hot Mess
Grief cooks up its own heat, often fueled by festering anger. As a grief coach, I am completely sympathetic to people’s anger. I also want to help them understand what is fueling the anger, so they do not live the rest of their lives in a “hot mess.”
The Intangible loss of Identity
Finding ourselves is part of healthy-healing grief. What we once were and who we are becoming through our grief can become a good change. It’s up to us.
Comfort the Grieving in Your Own Skin!
Keep in mind that it takes a zoo to comfort a grieving friend. All types of comforting friends, each doing your part to come along and support those who mourn are what makes a positive difference in the lives of the bereaved. The risk is to think others are doing something and they might not be doing anything.
When Comforting the Griever Gets Tough
Some grievers are more difficult to support than others. You will find a few good ideas that will help you keep reaching out to your brokenhearted friend or family member
The Healing of Kintsugi Art
If kintsugi taught me anything, it was that sometimes our broken hearts do not go back to the same way they were before our loss. We might become something completely different ~ Good ~ Beautiful ~ Useful ~ Contributing.
The Song of Hope
Hope keeps you human. It reminds you of a more true song inside you that nothing—not even death—can steal away.
Grief Exhaustion
One reason why grief makes us tired is that it’s just plain overwhelming. Dealing with emotional, complex, and stressful experiences is likely to leave us emotionally exhausted.
Fall's Season of Grieving
Fall might be the season when those who grieve can put the pain and suffering into perspective and be reassured that healing does come.
Why Not PYSOP?
Put Your Stuff On Paper/PYSOP has nothing to do with school. If writing seemed like a struggle for you, reframe Pysoping this way: Pysoping is to the broken heart what Drano is to a clogged drain! It is a release valve that allows your emotions to flow freely in a safe place on paper. There are no grammar, spelling, or handwriting rules to follow when we PYSOP. So put pen to paper fearlessly. Let all your thoughts and emotions, questions, and fears flow out from your body and heart. Our emotions are messy, disorganized, random, and unpredictable. What goes on paper should reflect what is in the heart.
From "WHY?" to PEACE
I deeply appreciate how Jesus can redirect our screaming “WHY?” questions, by acknowledging the pain, then offering something that comes from His Kingdom of Love, Mercy, and Grace ~ His PEACE. This peace is real, my friend. It doesn’t come from our circumstances or our psychology. It comes from God.
An Ordinary Chore Shared Overtakes the Monster of Loneliness
Here is where friends can help the loneliness that is a result of grief. We can show up to share the day-to-day tasks of our grieving friends. We can keep someone from further isolation and loneliness. We can “hang” with a grieving friend and share part of their daily chores or “heavy” responsibilities. We can go along for the ride or better yet, do the driving so our grieving friend can feel our support and companionship.
Independence Day Grief
Independence is now a new way of living day to day, yet your heart will ever be touched with explosive memories that will dazzle and sparkle in the night sky of your soul. Just as a new country was made, a new individual is being formed. That is you. Will you be courageous to grieve well, make choices that lead you towards adjustment and healing, and reach out to others to be with you as you learn a new way of life?
Fathers who Mourn and Children who Grieve
Could you look into the face of God and see His Father's eyes of interest, compassion, warmth, courage, and welcome? He is never too busy for you and offers His limitless resources to guide you through your life with all its losses and grief.
Teaming up for Grief Support
It takes so little to leave a big impression on those who grieve. Be aware and be there. Large families in grief need extra support and care. Involves others and watch how that helps.