How Delaying Funerals or Memorials Impacts Grievers
~ We do better when we can gather soon to mourn together.
~ We do better when funerals, memorial services, or celebrations of life follow soon after a death.
~ We do better when there is a resting place that can be visited.
~ We do better when we can talk early on about our waves of emotions, confusing thoughts, and spiritual questions with each other.
~ We do better when we pause early on to count our blessings in knowing someone who positively influenced our lives.
Unexpected “First Dates” with Grief
As I drove past the bakery, sadness washed over me. This is the first time I will not need to bring my mom a treat. This is the first time I will return and she will not be there to hear about the weekend.
Baby Grief Steps
When loss interrupts our natural rhythms of life, when too much change changes our capacity to see past the next moment, when we are sliding down a ravine, out of control, we might need a little assistance to gather ourselves together again. Even Humpty Dumpty needed help. Unlike “all the king’s men” there is real help for grieving and broken hearts one baby step at a time.
Grief Care Competency or Humility?
As I keep thinking about this, it seems to me that humility of heart might be the best prerequisite for authentically stepping close to someone in emotional pain and sorrow. There is so much we do not know.
What to Say to a Grieving Friend
It is your job to step through your fear factors like a superhero, not to rescue them, but to be silent with them in their agony. That takes some super-human strength! There are no words that will take their grief away. Your job is to support them in their grief, NOT to take it away or distract them. Follow their lead. It is all about them.
Finding Myself After Loss
Healthy grief helps us remember the one we love and permits us to find ourselves again. We got lost in the caregiving, so finding ourselves is a part of working through our personal loss and healing.
Finding an Unexpected Legacy
Even negative traits in the ones we love can become positive choices in our lives.
Who Has Time to Grieve?
Maybe, your life feels pretty stinky, out of control, uncomfortable, and overwhelmed. Here is my great news for you, there are options to start cleaning out your “stinky” grief and find healing for your sorrow and pain.
Does the Flag Fly at Half Mast in Your Heart?
Are you sad, deep down for the country you have known as “home? . . . How do we engage in the ambiguous grief of our changing nation? . . . It is possible to grieve AND find beauty, joy, and peace. . . I also am discovering a new awareness to celebrate my eternal and true citizenship! . . . Think about support and encouragement existing apart from any negative or hurtful presence!!! That is comforting news for me on this 4th of July.
5 Healthy, Healing Ways to Grieve
Most grievers are somewhere on the spectrum from gentle to complicated grief. You might find it useful to evaluate your stories surrounding death or loss that have been important to you. No matter where you place your grief and loss on the line, you will benefit by learning about healthy, healing grief.
How Important is Grief?
Did you notice I added “healthy” and “healing” as a description of grief? The other option is unhealthy, unhealed, and possibly hurtful grief.
We are Not our Best Selves when We Grieve
I have taught others that grief is messy because our emotions are unpredictable and chaotic. But only now am I realizing that grief is also a mess because we are relational beings who have all kinds of relational challenges with people both near to our hearts and those at a distance.
Mourning Mother’s Day
Ever heard the adage, “A woman’s work is never done”? Waking up to Mother’s Day is one of those days that a grieving woman’s work is never done. How? You might ask. Like doing laundry, or cleaning up after meals, washing sinks and toilets; grief work is now added to the list of chores to pay attention to. The difference is that doing healthy grief work really brings relief and puts your broken heart in a healing trajectory.
Bridge Building
Do you ever feel awkward and hesitant to purposefully reach out to someone who is grieving? What if it doesn’t go well? What if I get it all wrong? What if I hurt their feelings? Would this be the right time for them?
MEMO to self: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME, ITS ABOUT THEM
New Year’s Grief Navigation Tools
So the holidays are over but life is not getting back to “normal.” Grief is still the unpredictable ocean of emotion. Your heart might still be trying to navigate the swells of grief that ebb and flow. Possibly, the storms or waves of grief feel like they overtake you.
How Ugly Crying Helps
I do know enough grieving people, that when they say they had a “breakdown” it means they had some “ugly” tears. Today ugly tears are talked about in contrast to a gentle rolling of tears down your cheek. The term “ugly” tears could include anger, wailing, fear, and loss of control. No matter what the “term,” the feeling we have when we cry from the gut is what “ugly” crying is all about.
What the Grieving Need from You This Holiday
Christmas had passed when Margaret realized she had forgotten to reach out to a friend whose grandson had died in August. Margaret’s heart sank. “I’m such a terrible friend,” she thought to herself. “Why didn’t I remember? Why didn’t I take a moment to think of others who lived through the Holidays with pain and grief?”
Because I do not want this to be your experience, I wrote this blog so you could be proactive this season to know how to support a grieving person.
When Suicide Strikes
As a grief coach, I receive phone calls from people with heartsick voices explaining the trauma of living after loved ones take their own lives. Families struggle with the assurance of seeing their loved ones again. I could never begin to come close to their broken hearts if I carried judgment about suicide. Condemnation never brings anyone comfort, hope, or healing.
A Day with a Grieving Friend
Planning a day with a grieving friend can be the kindest thing you can do. Need a few ideas? This blog shares them.
Comfort for Today
Wherever you are or whatever you are experiencing in your grief right now, there is a never-ending source of comfort available to you.