Grief Complications for this Caregiver
At the time I only wanted to distance myself from my mother. I had become unconsciously enmeshed with her as I cared for her over the years. Due to her emotional dependency on me throughout my entire life, I craved space from her. Parting with her boxes of photo albums, and files of papers seemed to provide the autonomy I longed for.
The First Time I Missed My Mom
Many caregivers are exhausted by the time the one they are caring for dies. In my case, it has taken some time and distance from the intensity of caregiving to begin noticing I am finding myself.
I was a Caregiver and I’ve lost my Grief
What I didn’t know was that as her primary caregiver, I had to heal from caregiving before I could even find my grief for my mother. . . .It is difficult to know where grief begins and caregiving ends.
Holiday PYSOP!
Find a pen and paper. Allow your real, honest, and true self to spill out on the lines. Fill the page with what you are really feeling and thinking. Now that you have a broken heart, there is no need to pretend. Let the pen release your deepest pain.
How Delaying Funerals or Memorials Impacts Grievers
~ We do better when we can gather soon to mourn together.
~ We do better when funerals, memorial services, or celebrations of life follow soon after a death.
~ We do better when there is a resting place that can be visited.
~ We do better when we can talk early on about our waves of emotions, confusing thoughts, and spiritual questions with each other.
~ We do better when we pause early on to count our blessings in knowing someone who positively influenced our lives.
Unexpected “First Dates” with Grief
As I drove past the bakery, sadness washed over me. This is the first time I will not need to bring my mom a treat. This is the first time I will return and she will not be there to hear about the weekend.
Baby Grief Steps
When loss interrupts our natural rhythms of life, when too much change changes our capacity to see past the next moment, when we are sliding down a ravine, out of control, we might need a little assistance to gather ourselves together again. Even Humpty Dumpty needed help. Unlike “all the king’s men” there is real help for grieving and broken hearts one baby step at a time.
Grief Care Competency or Humility?
As I keep thinking about this, it seems to me that humility of heart might be the best prerequisite for authentically stepping close to someone in emotional pain and sorrow. There is so much we do not know.
What to Say to a Grieving Friend
It is your job to step through your fear factors like a superhero, not to rescue them, but to be silent with them in their agony. That takes some super-human strength! There are no words that will take their grief away. Your job is to support them in their grief, NOT to take it away or distract them. Follow their lead. It is all about them.
Finding Myself After Loss
Healthy grief helps us remember the one we love and permits us to find ourselves again. We got lost in the caregiving, so finding ourselves is a part of working through our personal loss and healing.
Finding an Unexpected Legacy
Even negative traits in the ones we love can become positive choices in our lives.
Who Has Time to Grieve?
Maybe, your life feels pretty stinky, out of control, uncomfortable, and overwhelmed. Here is my great news for you, there are options to start cleaning out your “stinky” grief and find healing for your sorrow and pain.
Does the Flag Fly at Half Mast in Your Heart?
Are you sad, deep down for the country you have known as “home? . . . How do we engage in the ambiguous grief of our changing nation? . . . It is possible to grieve AND find beauty, joy, and peace. . . I also am discovering a new awareness to celebrate my eternal and true citizenship! . . . Think about support and encouragement existing apart from any negative or hurtful presence!!! That is comforting news for me on this 4th of July.
5 Healthy, Healing Ways to Grieve
Most grievers are somewhere on the spectrum from gentle to complicated grief. You might find it useful to evaluate your stories surrounding death or loss that have been important to you. No matter where you place your grief and loss on the line, you will benefit by learning about healthy, healing grief.
How Important is Grief?
Did you notice I added “healthy” and “healing” as a description of grief? The other option is unhealthy, unhealed, and possibly hurtful grief.
We are Not our Best Selves when We Grieve
I have taught others that grief is messy because our emotions are unpredictable and chaotic. But only now am I realizing that grief is also a mess because we are relational beings who have all kinds of relational challenges with people both near to our hearts and those at a distance.
Mourning Mother’s Day
Ever heard the adage, “A woman’s work is never done”? Waking up to Mother’s Day is one of those days that a grieving woman’s work is never done. How? You might ask. Like doing laundry, or cleaning up after meals, washing sinks and toilets; grief work is now added to the list of chores to pay attention to. The difference is that doing healthy grief work really brings relief and puts your broken heart in a healing trajectory.
Bridge Building
Do you ever feel awkward and hesitant to purposefully reach out to someone who is grieving? What if it doesn’t go well? What if I get it all wrong? What if I hurt their feelings? Would this be the right time for them?
MEMO to self: THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME, ITS ABOUT THEM
New Year’s Grief Navigation Tools
So the holidays are over but life is not getting back to “normal.” Grief is still the unpredictable ocean of emotion. Your heart might still be trying to navigate the swells of grief that ebb and flow. Possibly, the storms or waves of grief feel like they overtake you.
How Ugly Crying Helps
I do know enough grieving people, that when they say they had a “breakdown” it means they had some “ugly” tears. Today ugly tears are talked about in contrast to a gentle rolling of tears down your cheek. The term “ugly” tears could include anger, wailing, fear, and loss of control. No matter what the “term,” the feeling we have when we cry from the gut is what “ugly” crying is all about.